Parent Coaching Blog

Jan
26

Don’t Go “Chicken Little” On Us

Some say we’re raising our children in The Age of Information, and who can argue with this?  If we need  any insights to support our parenting, it’s literally at our fingertips within seconds. 

Like an acorn falling from the tree of knowledge tree, all this information can be a blessing and a curse.

Maybe a better name for this generation of parenting would be…The Age of Information Anxiety   

As moms of the new millenium, we have so much to worry about: car seats, flu shots, preschool sign-ups, IQ testing, brand names, bullying, peer pressure, screen time, perfect party planning, and more. 

A quick web search on topics like these (below) could send our heads spinning and cause any mom to “Go Chicken Little”…

 

The effects of high fructose corn syrup on children…    “Help! The sky is falling; the sky is falling!!!… I just read that I may doom my child to obesity because I allowed him to put ketchup on his broccoli to get him to eat it.  What should I do???? Skip the broccoli or risk obesity???”

How to properly perform time out procedures with toddlers…Help! The sky is falling; the sky is falling… I can’t get timeout to work for my child… There must be something wrong with me because it’s not changing my child’s behavior.”

Is it ever okay to take away a child’s “lovie”?… Help! the sky is falling; the sky is falling… Yesterday I took away my 4 year old’s favorite bear because he’s been hitting his baby brother over the head with it… Did I wreck his self esteem forever?”

Reasons we should avoid too much screen time… “Help! The sky is falling; the sky is falling… I’ve been letting my youngest child watch tv while I cook dinner EVERY NIGHT, and I just read that too much tv can cause ADHD…. AHHH”

Best bets for three year old birthday bashes …”Help! The sky is falling; the sky is falling… I saw the cutest ideas on Pintrest for a three year old birthday party, but the prize baggies have to be sewn, and the cake has to be made from scratch.

 If you start searching, there are thousands of opinions all claiming to have each parenting topic perfectly mastered. 

 Don’t be fooled so easily… YOU are the only one true expert on your parenting situation.

  You know exactly what you can handle and what will and will not work in your home.  So, don’t let the internet become your Foxy Loxy.  It will only add to the fear and anxiety and cloud your natural instincts.  

Leave the worrying to Chicken Little,  and reflect on the questions below to help you figure out what matters most to you.  Once you have done some inner reflection, your little acorn (or family) will grow into the great big oak tree it was meant to be. 

What routine parts of the day cause trouble for your kids?

Are my husband and I on the same page with our methods of parenting?

If not, how can we meet in the middle?

What is one new response that is doable for my family?

What are the things that are most important to me and my spouse?

How can I avoid getting sucked into worries about how my parenting compares to the rest of the world?

 How can I remember to catch my children being good?

How can I encourage my child to be independent and self regulated?

What are the real safety concerns I need to be aware of for my child’s age level?

 Can we live moderately as a family and stay afloat in this sea of information?

 

Jan
23

R U Working On Your Parenting

WHY do we want to be better parents?…to improve how our children RELATE to their world and the people in their lives..
HOW do we become better parents?… Gathering REAL RESOURCES, having REAL time to REFLECT, and using RESPONSES that REALLY work.
WHAT happens when we become better parents?… We start to REGULATE our thoughts, emotions, and actions, and so do our children.

Jan
21

How Do We Teach Self Control

“Teach your child to show strength by self control, not by controlling others” —-John Taylor PH.D and author of From Defiance to Cooperation
How do we teach self control?
Discuss choice making…. Positive and Negative
Acknowledge positive choices and self control when you see them
… Give tools for self control like: a chance to rewind or a chance to take a break
Model using these tools as the parent saying ” I think I want to rewind and say this again in a calmer voice” or ” I am going to take a break before I talk to you about this…”

Jan
8

The “Good Life”

One of my favorite children’s books for helping children understand the reading comprehension concept of cause and effect is a book called That’s Good, That’s Bad  by Margery Cuyler. 

In this book, a young boy, starts his visit to the zoo when his parents get him a shiny red balloon.

 Oh, That’s Good!… No That’s Bad! because…

He is suddenly lifted high above the zoo.  He loved flying high above the zoo so he could see all the animals below him.

 Oh That’s Good!… No That’s Bad! because…

His balloon popped on a tall prickly branch, he fell into a swamp.   Luckily he was able to ride to shore on a roly poly hippo

 Oh That’s Good!… No That’s Bad! because…

Ten baboons were fighting at the river bank and they chased him…

The story goes back and forth between bad and good outcomes until the boy ends up plopping back into his parents arms when a stork carries him across the zoo.  This book helps to open up a discussion with children about how each event in story has an impact on the whole storyline.   When they understand this they begin to realize they can control the storyline in their own writing by shifting positive and negative events and outcomes.

What does this have to do with parenting?????

Wouldn’t it be great if we could help our children connect to the cause and effect of their behaviors and in turn, help them see that their actions affect the storyline of their day.     

 Here’s an example: 

“Hey Mom!”  said the little boy as he walked in the door after school,  “I was able to go outside for recess today because I made good choices during center time.”

 Oh That’s Good… No that’s Bad! because

 “It was 32 degrees outside and everyone was freezing.  I had a heavy coat on and was running around with my friends to keep warm.  We got really excited.”

Oh That’s Good…No That’s Bad ! because

“ I got so excited that I felt like punching my friend in the stomach. I calmed down after I hit him.”

 Oh That’s Good… No That’s Bad! because

“My friend didn’t like it and he cried all the way over to the teacher.  The teacher helped him feel better.”

Oh That’s Good… No That’s Bad! because

“When the teacher saw him crying she made me go talk to the principal, and I have to stay in from recess the rest of the week  and That’s Bad!”

Helping our children experience the real life logical consequences to their behavior can help them see that they have power in their choices and when they make positive choices they can have the “good life”.

 

 

Jan
6

Nasty Gets Nothing

Let’s define nasty behavior…
Hurting: with words and tone, hitting, pinching, biting …
Fussing: screaming, yelling, talking back, whining, tantrums…
Naming these STOP behaviors is the first step.
No Hurting and No Fussing are the only rules you really need.
Now that we know what we are dealing with, lets get to work on eliminating these poor choices.

It’s hard to help your child overcome their nasty behavior if you are busy making excuses for it….
He only BITES when he is tired.
She is so sweet but sometimes she SLAPS her sister when she doesn’t feel like sharing her toys.
She’s two so she SCREAMS and YELLS to get her way.
He WHINES all through dinner only when I make things he doesn’t want to eat.
… After we name the behavior the next step in getting rid of it is to get rid of our excuses.
There is NO excuse for nasty.

Jan
3

Are you ready to Rumble?

Our  two boys love to wrestle.
We have to provide lots of time for this kind of rough housing during these cooped up winter months. It helps them to release tension and regulates their sensory systems.
So here are some things we do to keep their bodies active:
Pillow pile up where we let them run and jump into a huge pile of pillows and blankets, pillow fights, and rough and tumble football (w…atch the breakables;) with a small nerf football and dad as the referee.
Although the thought of indoor rough housing may give you a headache, it could save the day and allow your kids to get their aggression and sensory systems in line.
Make sure you monitor the play, set up specific boundaries and don’t let it go on too long or else they will get too revved up.  When it comes to wrestling a little goes a long way;)