Are you constantly nagging your children to accomplish the smallest task?
Could it be that what seems easy to you is overwhelming to your child?
Think about all the skills needed to make a bed, pick up toys, pack your backpack…
By breaking tasks down into their most minute parts, we might be able to see where the breakdown in skill is and then focus on how to do each part.
Your child will be more likely to progress to success if they feel like they can master each part of the job.
When in doubt separate… Give them space from each other…. Give yourself space from them… Space to make a new plan. Space to get composed Space to be them self Space to gather Grace.
“Whoever tells the stories defines the culture.” David Walsh PhD… Author of NO : why kids of all ages need to hear it and ways parents can say it.
Who is the primary storyteller in your family?
Is it your television? Is it your child’s phone, iPad or video games Is it another adult or their peers?
Is it you?
Define the culture of your family by being the main storyteller in the lives of your children. That means teaching them lessons, sharing your insights and telling them your expectations.
In this rush rush world of busy busy lives, we are quick to expect immediate responses from our children.
When we ask them and expect a response they may take longer to process the request than we expect.
Use this as a pausing moment for yourself. Walk away saying… “Let me know when you are ready… ” or ” I will know when you are ready when you…”
The pausing, waiting, and walking away leaves the choice making up to them and relieves the stress of the power struggle.
Sometimes all they need is a moment to gather themselves and process the next step.
Do you find yourself in heated battles with your child?
Is it because you’re both stuck on seeing the world in black or white?
What would happen if you tweaked your perspectives and did some flexible thinking to work things out?
Think about what you can and can’t live with, set boundaries around these things but know and show that there are multiple ways to get to the same end.
Make a list of …creative ways to do the same old thing. Ask your child what they think might help solve the issue. Sit with other parents and brainstorm a list of solutions.
When we fade our perspective into gray, we might find a middle ground that is filled with less perfection and more peaceful relationships.
Patterns… Where does the behavior show up? When is the behavior absent? Who handles the behavior best? What triggers the behavior? How does your parenting response affect the behavior? Why is the behavior worse in certain environments? …. Follow the patterns to find the best methods for dealing with your child’s behavior.