Hit the Parenting Powerball!
How can some people have kids that are so well behaved?
What is it that makes it look so easy for them?
After four years of working with more than 250 families, I think I finally have some insight into what makes this game of parenting work successfully.
Just like the real lottery, YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO PLAY TO WIN
-you need to show up
-you need to be the author of the rules of the home
-you need to follow through every single time
1. Literally you have play: I call this CONNECT CONNECT before you CORRECT… Connect to your child by listening to them, hearing how they want you to engage with them. Then think like a child and get playful and silly. When you have invested play time with your child it is like “money in the bank” for you. The energy and engagement allows you to build a relationship of trust and genuine connection. Then when it is time to correct you can more successfully play your “authority card” and follow through on your expectations with success.
2. You can’t play the game of parenting without a clear understanding of the rules: Kids don’t show up with a rule book and believe me they will never make a list of the house rules on their own. They need YOU to do this and if your child is misbehaving odds are his behaviors are trying to tell you to step it up and gather control. It is super scary for a child to feel like they rule the roost. They need you to play the role of parent and show your authority by designing a system of HOUSE RULES.
3. You have to mean what you say and follow through… If you said you will not tolerate certain STOP behaviors and that there are consequences to those behaviors, you better follow through on what you said. You have to be present and aware to catch those STOP behaviors and that means nipping them as soon as you see them …every single time. This way the child knows you are present, aware and you mean business.
The most successful parents I know have these three things:
1. A Balance of Connection (Play) time and Correction time
2. House Rules are identified and expectations and consequences are set
3. Follow through on the expectations and consequences every single time
Having a Happy and Healthy Parent Child Relationship is worth all the money in the world… So work on it to make it happen!!