We expect our kids to be big kids yet we end up doing everything for them.
By letting your kids have more chances to do things for themselves and do these things with success we can hand over more power and control to them which is all they really want.
Simple things like carrying their own dish to clear the table, holding their own backpack into school, or making their own bed can be first steps to independence for them and freedom for you.
Doing these things on their own without expecting them to be perfect at them allows them to feel like they are contributing and growing in self help skills.
It’s the low expectations on performance that is key for parents to wrap their head around. We cannot expect our kids to know how to do these things well on the first try. So give them baby steps to success and repetition with the practice so they feel repeated success before you send them on to the next level of expectation.
For example: Make your bed can start out by fluffing your pillow and lining them up. Then once they master this and do it automatically without a cue, add in one more step like, pulling up your first layer or sheet. Teach them next how to pull it up while flattening out and let them practice these first two steps for a while before mastering the next steps of making the bed. Always add in one new skill at a time while layering the mastered skills on top of each other. What I mean by this is if they have mastered how to flatten out the sheet then when they get to the point where they can pull up two or three layers they will have also mastered how to flatten out each of those layers.
These little achievements build their confidence and allow for the control they are searching for. They call for mini moments of praise and the only reward needed is the feeling of accomplishment and contribution to the family system.
It’s a win win situation… We do less. They do more… and everyone is a little happier.